I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
