She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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