Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
