Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize