the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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