i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
