Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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