I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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