so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think your dad took our porno
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Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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Cover your peen. We're going out.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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