So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
