1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
