Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize