I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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