Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
