You really coming over, don't trick.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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