i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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