It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
