Swine flu. Run for my life!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
