If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
