If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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