how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
