I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
