So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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