Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
