I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
