Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
