There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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