Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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