I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
