I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
