Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
