It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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