Hey man sorry I got all grabby
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
