There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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