I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We named our party play list daddy issues
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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