Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
