my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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