ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
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Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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