My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
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at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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