I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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