you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
