i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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