oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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