Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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