sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
