I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
