At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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