yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We left the knife in your bed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
