ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
