Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sacagawea was the original milf.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize