i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
