Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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