my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So many bounce houses so little time
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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