the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
