My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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