Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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