My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."