The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
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I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.