I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family