I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.