Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so let's talk penis.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
