So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
