Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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