I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize