She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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