he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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