1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
